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So these last couple day's have been busy. i had to answer alot of stuff and i still have alot of looong massages read but i love to aswer them. also today i finished a shoe i designed for one of my art classes. i think it turned out and i used the theme Space. i presonally love space and the mysterious things that are there, and also the science behind everything so i desided to use that. i hope i can show you all the shoe i made, it took some time to make but i finshed it so i'm happy. anyway i hope i can post that soon. after that i will try to post more art because i didn't have the change to work at a project that i have and my own personal drawings so i hope to that soon (it are now just little works on my work)
anyway i wanted to write some more so here we go again (i will use the advice of @JamesHatfeld so i can make it better) but here we go again than ^_^
I ride home with tears in my eyes. the words run trough my mind... 'they call me things, they don't like me, they hate me, they think i'm a disgusting person' they words rush trough my mind. it's terrible to feel like your in a world where nobody likes you or just the feeling. like the world is a dark dark place with always cloudy day's. 'it's all my fault' that are the words running trough my head, it's my fault! i scream out while i start crying more and more every second i move forward,
I finally see the door of my home. i put my bike in the shed and run to the door. i put my key's in the door but i'm shakking to much, after a couple seconds trying to put it in the keyhole i can get the key in. i open the door. i see my dad lying on the couch. he is lying with his head underneath the blanket he got from upstairs. i know what happend. i see broken glass over the floor. it's my steph mom... she threw her glass at him. i don't know what happend to him but i see the room is a mess. i have been looking with shock at the scene. i trow my backpack in a chear and get a thing to clean up the mess with.
i finally cleaned up the mess she left behind and go to my dad. 'dad are you ok?' i get no response. i lift up the blanket and see he isn't even breathing when i lift it up i see a knife in his hands and his palm is bleeding. he coverd it up pretty good but i found out it time. the tears now come fludding over my cheeks. i can feel the pain in my chest. i run to the phone. 'this can't be happening, th...th...this no... this can't' when i get the phone i put in 911. i hear the voice of a man. an ordenay man that is doing this for his job every day he hase to hear people in despair. but i hear him talking but i can't understand it eventually i hear 'mam can you hear me? where are you? do you need help?' i shock myself and say 'y..yes my d..dad he is..' i can't finish the sentance. i can hear him 'where are you' i say my adress and than i fall to the ground and drop the phone to the ground. i hear the guy now slowly raising his voice 'mam i'm sending help,they will be there in a couple minutes... mam?...mam?!' i can't react and i'm laying there lissening to him. eventually i hear him scream to his co-workers 'i hear her breathing, she is not responding? she is a teen why isn't she responding?!' i just lay on the floor with my head to the phone so he can hear me breathe.
after a couple minutes i hear the police sirenes. the stop infront of my door. they nock on the door, once,... twice,... this is the third time. i hear that they are busting down the door. they run inside and see me laying on the floor with the phone and teares in my eye's. i just say 'i hope you can..... replace the door.' after a couple seconds i point at my dad. 'there' one of the police man walks towards me and asks if i can stand. i don't respond. he picks me up and a couple minutes later he puts me in to the police car outiside. i see my neighboors who care alot about me rushing towards me. i look at them with dead eye's they hug me. 'are you okay my dear?' i again don't respond. they look scared at the police man and he wispers somthing to them 'she will be taken care of, she will be fine'
i see my dad be dragged into the ambulance that arrived a couple minutes ago. i am considering the same thing as my dad... what is the point. the police man comes towards me. 'hey girl how old are you?' i say it with my fingers 'ah... you shouldn't have gone trough this. you will be fine trust me, i will take care of you. i promise' now i reconise his face and his voice, he is a friend of my dad. he comes by once in a while. most of the time i leave them alone. this must be though for him as well. 'i want to die John...' i see his face light up when i say his name but than see him turn to a man that i never saw before. he leanes in and he gives me a hug. 'he will be fine trust me, other wise i will be here always'
he orders a one of his collegues to drive us to the police station. while we are driving he hugs me tightly, eventually he calls up his wife to say he will stay with me and if she wants to come by she can. afer that i close my eyes and lissen to the music on the radio. i wish i could be somewhere else. the music is relaxing me a bit but the tears are rolling still down my face but i'm dead silence. he doesn't stop hugging me and so we go on. lissening and me hugging a friend. what's going to happen next? i just lissen to the radio and fall asleep, 'it will be fine i'm going to be strong' i say. and slowelly drift in to sleep.
i hope you all like that, it's a little bit depressing but what i wanted to say with this is that even though such bad things happen people care and they always do. you just have to see that and also that we have to be strong like the girl at the end.
anyway Have A Great Day and Stay Positve <3
so some news i'm planning to enter the new art contest for 26th of march. it hase to be art that combine Harry Potter and Lord Of The Rings. i saw this and my eye was drawn to it pretty fast so i planned to enter. i'm not doing to win but just so i can have fun. i love working on the peace of art that i have now and i almost got it finished so that peace i will post very soon. even if i'm mabey late for the compatition (that can happen) i will still post it. i hope you Guy's will also like it. (mabey i'll get a change to get scouted to but if not that is totally fine as well) just wish me luck for now i guess ^_^ i hope i'll give the person who is searching for these peaces of art somthing to remember (otherwise i hope he/she sees alot of other awesome peaces because there are alot of awesome artists who are wayyyyyyyy better than what i can do right now) so good luck to everyone who is entering as well ^_^
anyway i wanted to write something because i was inspired because of one person who wrote a looooooong page with such an inspiring story that i wanted to write again as well. so i hope you'll enjoy ^_^
I see him walking up the hill. the same hill that we had our first date on, the hill full of the most beautiful flowers but now.. now it's the hill of sorrow. the air always smelled like fresh cut grass and flowers and it still smells like that but instead of a nice feeling the hill was coverd in a confusing aura. like you can't breathe and you don't want a take a step forward because it could go wrong any second. i see a little bee flying by. his little wings carry him trough the waves of air to any place he wants. i wish i could do that. just get carried away by the wind. no tension, no feeling and no problems. i look over my shoulder and see nobody. the only thing i see are the trees who are the most beautiful color of green i have ever seen and the little pound that's shinning in the sun and the most beautiful tree next to it. i look back at him at the top of the hill. he is an inportant part of my life or he was. we just had a big fight right here. the weird thing is i don't feel anything. nothing. it's weird but i'm still feeling a tear going down my cheek. i brush it away with my hand and walk up the hill after him. he is sitting next to a tree. i breathe in and out and after a big discusion in my head i sit down next to him. we begin to talk again. i apologize he does the same thing but we are not toghter anymore. i feel myself drifting away from him. and again we start to argue again. he wants to go somewhere while he said to stay here but he doesn't want to stay. again this is happening to me and i tell him how i feel about it. it's not somthing big but it's a spark that he needed to argue again with me. i'm done and i said goodbye and walk down the hill. i hear him screaming in anger that i'm running away. i know he is crying although he never admits it. i walk and walk while his screaming eventually stops. i think to myself: did i make the right choice? it doesn't matter anymore. i know he blocked me out of his life already but i can't be a friend with someone who thinks that everyone who's against him is retarted or stupid. it doesn't work that way. after a couple minutes i see a bench and i deside to take a seat. i take my head phones out and blast the music in my ears. my only escape from this world. where everything is made of music and everyone is happy. while my music in my ears goes on i look around i see the hill where i was and see him still sitting there. or atleast he is there but it looks like he is throuwing stuff. he is clearly mad or upset once in a while i hear him screaming somthing really depressing but i just put my headphones deeper into my ears. i look around again and see the trees, the grass, i see the birds fly by and i see some ants walking around infront of my foot. i laugh to myself, there world is so big but so small on the same time. again i look around a little black cat with green eyes walkes towards me. i pet it and it jumps next to me on the bench. i pet it more while the little cat is on my lap now puring. i close my eyes and lissen to my music while i deside to stop worrying about him and just relax. i just wish i could say one thing to that person if i see him again and that's : i'm sorry i never meant to hurt you but it's time to move on for me. i can't stay anymore. i just want you to know you where an inportant part in my life but for now goodbye. that's the only thing i would want to say. but for now i will think about me and my friends and not somthing else.
Nightcore - We Won't (Switching Vocals) - (Lyrics)
so i'm finally done with some loooooooong ass day's for work. i had to work for a school for a week so i could build up work experience and know how it is to have a job like that. and it was okay. i was so exhausted every time i came back home (you can't imagen how exhausting it is to take care of a class so props to people who are teachers but this will not be my future that's what i'm know from this week :p) although it was alot of fun to be working there with a friend of mine it was not somthing i would want to do in the future.
but anyway i have extra time now. last week i heard of my friend (where i'm working with: @JohnEarthBreathGames ) i can work on the second fase of a main boss O.o i was so suprised but so happy on the same time. i'm already done with that as well. i really hope he will lik it because i maked somthing from the boss that is not his original form but mabey this will bring somthing special to the game design also for the person who will do the pixal art for my designs i hope you like it as well and i didn't give you a job that is to hard :/ but i hope you like it though. i'm really happy how the last fase turned out but i'm not so sure about the second fase but otherwise i can always change the designes i make. also i hope i soon can show you the designs because i'm pretty proud of how they turned but i think i should a while and release the drawings when the game comes out (just to respect the game maker and my friend)
anyway i will have some more time now and i hope i can make more drawings in the future so you guy's can look forward to somthing. i'm planning to make somthing pretty special to me and for my friends. but that will be a surpise ^_^
but anyway i hope you all have a wonderfull day and don't forget:
Stay Postive <3
(enjoy the music ^_^ : from sinon Nightcore - Unbreakable (Switching Vocals) - (Lyrics) )
so lattely i haven't posted somthing and that has a good reason. i'm working on a project with a friend of mine where i can design the final state of a boss. (i don't know if i can tell somthing about it so i will keep it basic) i'm working on the idea and shading the past 2 weeks. i'm still drawing so don't worry soon i will upload somthing for my art, but i haven't got the time lattely because i have to go back to school again so it's no free time anymore for me ^_^ but it's nice to see my friends again. school is pretty busy for me now and we got a new student in my class so that's different as well. i try to be friends but it's pretty hard because he is new and i'm not the best with talking to other people but i try my best. also i'm trying to stear him the right direction trough the school he won't get lost :p but he is nice. wish me luck with that i think this will be hard but i will try my best. i hope i give a good impression and he thinks i'm a nice person but we will find out when time goes by. so wish me luck with that ^_^
anyway i'm trying to make some more art for you to see as soon as i can. but anyway i hope you guy's are ok and having a good time anyway enjoy the music i put up and don't forget
Have a good day and stay Positve <3
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wBMT8mg6cXA (enjoy ^_^ )
so today i'm honestly pretty happy. today a friend that i had a fight with came back to me, it honestly blew my mind that he wanted contact with me so at first i was a little scared because most of the time i lose my friends and they don't come back at all. but we talked it out and we became friends again. i was right and i did the right thing by giving him some space so he could be on his own a little bit. but i'm so happy i got him back because he means alot to me but if he didn't come back i could totally understand that as well. but i'm glad he did and i'm welcoming him with open arms. i thought it was funny he thought i was mad but no i'm not. it's just awesome i can speak to him again and it means the world to me. <3
for further stuff: today was fun. i went ice skating with a friend of mine and we have been one the ice for three hours. after an hour or two my foot started hurting but of course i just ignored it. we did some little tricks, i fell on my ass once (my friend twice she was so happy when i fell because i saved myself so many times before :p ) and just tried to be the fastes. really fun but when i came home i saw my foot was not okay..... yah i could pull my skin right off sooo not that good. i pulled the lose skin off and now it burnes even more and it hurts baaaadllyyy so i hope it recovers soon so i can do normal stuff again. so wish me luck for that, for now i have to go on wihout trying to hit my foot against anything so i don't fall on the ground from the pain so i have to be carefull for now. (soo that's going to be a problem :p) but anyway i will go on and hopefully i can walk normally soon (without pain)
but how have you all been doing? anything special?
but anyway i hope you all have a wonderfull day and stay positive <3
so it's been a hectic week. from school to friends and feeling sick. yah i didn't tell you but i'm sick or atleast feel sick. but i'm not taking a break yet because i don't think i need it. it mabey sounds stupid but i'm still going on altho i had to go home one day because i litterly didn't feel good and couldn't do anything (or not the work i had to do so that sucked) but anyway i'm still going.
for other things. i left some things in the past and i'm moving on. the things i want back (like friends) i'm going to get back and try to fix things that i did wrong in there eyes (but i can't yet because they must calm down first a little bit so we can talk properly) so i took a little break from everything. but i'm not sad about it, life is a place where you lose and win stuff. i think you should just move on if it doesn't work out and don't try to stick your nose to much in the past (i learned that the hard way) don't stick to things that don't come back anyway but fight for the things and people who you want if the are with you now. what do you guy's think?
for other parts like school now i finally got a break for next week so i can do what i want for the first time in a couple weeks. or do more that i want without for once think about school stuff (altho i have to do some stuff still for school, ugghhh to much work) but i finally can go out with friends and have alot of fun and most inportant thing: sleep as long as i want :p
but anyway i hope you all are okay as well, mabey you guy's have done somthing really fun (than i'm probebly jealos :p but i'm glad you had fun than) but i don't know how to continue right now but anyway if you want to talk i'm always open, so feel free to PM me. i always react, but anyway
i hope you guy's have an awesome day and stay positive <3
p.s one of my favorite songs mabey you guy's like it as well ^_^
so for the people who are here for the first time ''hi'' this is about the post before this one so mabey read that one first so you understand this better.
for the people who read my last post you probebly know where this is going sooo the choice was last time go with my feelings and probebly hurt the other person or just try to bear with it but go against that feeling and just make my friend happy, i explained it better in the last post. i'm not going to explain it twice but anyway. for the first time in a long while i have choosen for myself. unfortanally the person didn't like my desission and i defentially know that even tho my friend play's it off like he isn't hurt, i know better. i feel bad but relieved, but i feel like i lost a little peace of my friend and he will not trust me anymore and really hates me deep down and i'm honestly really sorry for making him feel that way. i think i made the right choose altho it hurts that he said i should think about myself more and now he sais i could think about others more and that's a no for me. so i think i did right, i feel better now and i don't feel like i'm lying to myself so that's good ^_^
so for now i'm going to let myself grow and try to be more positive about myself and focus on school, my future, art and my friends of course. you know life is a batle that we all have to fight, some are hard and some are easy but it''s still a batle and i think i won a batle today and went with what i thought was right altho i hurts other people. but i will hope tomorrow is a better day for all of us ^_^
for the person who i hurt today (you know it's you when you read this) i'm really sorry, i didn't mean to do any harm to you, i'm sorry i reacted the way that i did because it wasn't fair against you but know i'm still here for you all the way. i don't want you to hate me because i don't hate you as well and want the best for you. just know i will always be supporting you but that i'm not ready yet for somthing you want. i'm sorry.
and now for everyone else to go to somthing else how was your day? have you Guy's done anything fun yet? or mabey made some art. tell me anything i'm happy to hear all your story's ^_^
But anyway Stay Positive and have an awesome day <3
so to start with somthing positive i cut my hair today ^_^ it's alot shorter now than before, until my shoulders. it's weird that i don't have long hair over my shoulders (for now, it grows back fast :p ) but they cut it a little to short but i like it and it doesn't look bad.
but anyway you probebly wouldn't care so i will go on. so why did i write as titel: i need some help :/ . there is a good reason for that. so i won't go in to the little details because i will hurt someone with that and i don't want that. sooooo i litterly need some advice because i have been struggeling with this the past couple of weeks:
so anyway i will go straight to the point like i always do and like to do. soooo these last couple weeks i have been doing somthing that goes against my opinion and feelings. i am trying to learn how to love myself but this just drains my energy and hope but if i stop it will destroy someone else who i care about above every thing else. if i stop the person could break down and give up hope and i wouldn't want that. i will still be by there side and try helping but i don't know what to choose. should i keep going and help them keep there mood and hope up but go against my feelings or should i stop and go with my feelings but risk that the person could give up hope and breaks down? i am struggeling with this for the last couple weeks and it's honestly breaking me down so i need some help so please can anybody give me some good advice. i don't care how long your reply is just send it to me please, i can really use it because i don't know what to do.
but thanks for reading this ^_^ i hope you all have a great day
and stay positive <3
so as most people know it's valentine's day tomorrow (and today :p didn't even know that but anayway) i hope you all have a great day. it doesn't matter if you have a boyfriend/girlfriend as most people think but spend some time with friends counts as well (or that's what i think. it are loved onces right? i think so ^_^) but if you don't like this stuff (like me ;) ) than just spend some time doing what you love. that's what i do most of the time but don't irritate yourself please, it doesn't help anyone ^_^ just try to have a good time and stay positive <3
for the people who have a 'Valentine' Happy valentine!! i hope you have a great time with them ^_^
and now for me i want to thank some people (because it's the day of love soooo i can take this oppertunity) so here we go than. if your not in between these names and your my friend i'm sorry i forgot you :/ but here we go ^_^
@Alexwilsoncomposer: thank you for being there, i know you have been busy lattely but i really enjoyed all the time we spend talking. we have been friends for a while now and you where one of my first friends here. thanks for being around and sticking with me for this long ^_^ ( http://alexwilsoncomposer.newgrounds.com/ )
@MchectorII: i have known you for a couple months now (don't know exactlly how long) but i'm happy i got you as friend as well. i can talk about serious stuff with you but also alot of funny stuff. i'm happy i got you as a friend ^_^ ( http://mchectorii.newgrounds.com/ )
@LuckyLightTitan: i know you for a couple months now as well (i think 4 months now from december) our meeting was a little weird but i'm really happy you got in touch with me and askt me why i wasn't aswering yet to an recequest. i'm glad i reacted because we have some pretty fun confersations ^_^ so thanks <3 ( http://luckylighttitan.newgrounds.com/ )
@Tadiel: i know you for a year now here and in real i love our confersations so thanks for being my friend. you always know how to even with the weirdest things bring a smile on my face and that i can talk with you about 'girl' anime's as well (somthimes because i usally don't do that :p ) so thanks <3 ( http://tadiel.newgrounds.com/ )
so thank you all so much. you all bring a smile on my face and make my life alot better. without you guy's and my friends i probebly wouldn't have maked it. i appreaciate everyone of you. also thanks for all the support so far. i know i'm not the most intressting but i'm happy you guy's stick around ^_^
so anyway i will stop with the pampering :p but:
stay positive and have a wonderfull day <3
so today i'm finally done with a busy part of my life or atleast i'm not as busy. i'm finally done with the hardest parts of this week and i hope i can finally post some more art because i have a little more time now. i'm still really busy with outher stuff and finding some things for friends and working on a project of a really good friend of mine <3 but i will try to create a little more art than i have done this month.
but anyway i'm now trying to figure out what my style is of drawing and i'm always open to try new styles and try to draw new things (if you have a idea you can tell me and i will try to make somthing like that ^_^) so i have been practasing alot, i have a couple drawings that i made but did'n't share because it's not the best work but mabey you guy's would like to see it anyway, mabey? idk but that's for you to deside.
but anyway, i hope you guy's are doing okay, otherwise mabey i can try to make you happy again or give advise.only if you want tho so i understand if that's not what you want. but i hope you all are okay otherwise i wish you all the luck of the world or atleast my luck (i don't really need it because it doesn't work for me :p)
but joking aside, i hope you guy's have a wonderfull day and stay positive <3
(enjoy the music ^_^ )